how many times have you heard someone say

i know... it has been forever. three posts before this one was seriously over a year ago (yes jen and are are now past the two year mark and are now moving into our third - that post will come soon i am sure) and so much has happened. i am 22, aidan has taken his first step and is already talking during church, matthew has a new car, i have a new guitar (and consequently a new obsession), i graduate in a year and have yet to receive God's letter in the mail... you know the one that tells me everything that is going to happen so i can stop stressing over making the wrong decisions about life, i stopped cooking and started discovering delicious restaurants (and broke my bank), spent time in north carolina, started the harry potter series, honestly too much to talk about...
corey...jacob...jeremey...alyssa...jordan... ALL GETTING MARRIED! (kyle and karisa are ALREADY MARRIED!!!!!!) life has happened and then happened again... (this is starting to sound super cheesy... its a little odd.)
anyway needless to say, like i am assuming everyone else my life has been interesting over the last year and i feel like this is probably the only time i'm going to write about it all; i do feel however that, despite my previous failure at any thing blog, i would like to make an attempt at tackling this again. REDEMPTION!!
i really want to do it! i know i have said that a lot in the past but i really do want to do it - for real... i wanted to do it for real all the other times too... we will see. blogging does seem rather narcissistic though, which is weird. i don't know i keep fighting myself over it. i will try it for a little while i really want to blog ha ha i feel like that is a strange desire, to write, publicly, about the things that are living inside my head so others can read them and tell me how stupid i sound etc. but sometimes i feel like its a really good medium and this is the main reason i am coming back to it; a medium to express the things in my head.

...

recently i have really been trying to seek God. i have been dealing with a lot of issues (really just one main issue that will not be discussed in this post as it is after midnight and i'm tired however it may be discussed later) and have been trying to seek guidance and comfort from Him instead of being dependent on affirmation and acceptance from people and stressing out trying to please everyone while reasoning with myself to figure out what God wants and analyzing "His will" without actually consulting Him.
this is a current prayer of mine found in george harrison's "my sweet Lord"

My sweet lord
Hm, my lord
Hm, my lord

I really want to see you
Really want to be with you
Really want to see you lord
But it takes so long, my lord

My sweet lord
Hm, my lord
Hm, my lord

I really want to know you
Really want to go with you
Really want to show you lord
That it won't take long, my lord